Apparently, I'm a Scrapper

Whenever someone thinks of me I guarantee a word that probably never comes to mind is "scrappy". My mom and husband might even go further by calling me a wimp. I learned on Black Friday that if needed, I can be a fighter.

For the past several years, BF Courtney and I have done the Black Friday thing. Last year, the other BF Irish joined us (practically against her will). This year we added Court's little sister, Ashton. As we add more shoppers our seriousness grows. Every year we get better and better deals. This year we were pretty hard core, mapping out our destinations days in advance and planning a strategy (who is going to drive, how many cars do we take, who will be on what team.) To prove our hardcoreness we started our venture at midnight. We racked up at Walmart and then broke into our teams: Irish and I headed to Target at 1:30 A.M. to get in line; Ashton and Court went to Toys R Us and planned to join us afterwards.

At Target we, like the rest of the world, were going after the 40" Westinghouse flat screens for $298. All four of us were going to go after one (actually Ashton didn't need a TV so she was going after one for my in-laws.) We knew the competition would be fierce so Irish and I wanted to get in line early. Of course it was freezing! To remember the event Irish took pictures with her phone.

She looked like a terrorist. I'm guessing that would be her van of explosives in the background.

And I looked like a turtle.


After a while the other two team members joined us. Courtney looked like Apolo Anton Ohno, minus the weird facial hair. Ashton was the only sane looking one of the group.

Because the hot items were scattered all around the store we were given a map. The TVs were in section B located in Maternity. Because nothing says "expecting a little bundle of joy" like a bunch of adults fighting over a television. Being the self-respecting young women that we are we agreed that regardless of what everyone around us did, we would not run and make fools of ourselves. Especially since the news crews had their cameras rolling to catch the madness. However, when the doors opened at 4 A.M. our plans were shot to pieces. People were running into the store as if they were being chased by a heard of lions. Although I did not run, I felt the need to walk faster that I ever had in my life to avoid being trampled. As much as I love Target, I do not want to die there.

Ahead of me were Ashton and Courtney who managed to get three TVs quickly (Court's, mine and my in-laws). Actually, a woman pushed Ashton over and she just happened to fall on top of the boxes. As soon as Ashton recovered she yelled at me to let me know that she had both of my TVs. That was a total relief because the scene around me was insane - people pushing, grabbing and screaming in efforts to secure a television. I have never witnessed anything like it. I would liken it to the first 15 minutes of "Saving Private Ryan".

As I tried to get around the craziness to meet up with Court and Ashton I looked up to see Irish in the middle of it all standing with her TV in hand. All of a sudden, a couple (who looked like they might have just taken a hit of meth on Thanksgiving instead of pecan pie like the rest of us) yanked the box from her. I went into Mommy Bird Mode and charged the couple, grabbed their arms and said, "Hey!! You just took that TV from her!" They were quick to inform me that the TV was theirs and then tried to get away. Irish and I grabbed the other end of the box and started to pull causing a tug of war match to ensue. We would have grabbed another one but there were none left so this TV was Irish's only chance. I kept yelling at the couple to let go, "Because we are leaving with the TV!" They just yelled back, "NO! It's Ours!!" So what did I do? I began peeling their fingers off of the box, one by one. Every time they re-established their grip, I went after the hands. Finally, they gave up leaving us disheveled but with the TV.

Actually, we all left Target with a TV. I also left with a little less dignity.

Always a Pilgrim, Never an Indian

With the approaching Thanksgiving holiday I'm reminded of my preschool and elementary days when we would learn about the famous feast at Plymouth between the pilgrims and Indians (forgive me for not being politically correct enough to say "Native Americans" but this is a childhood memory, therefore, no P.C.)

Every year, it seems, we would reenact the feast with our own party where the kids were cast as a pilgrim or an Indian. Thanks to a little invention known as construction paper we were able to fashion period costumes although I'm not sure how accurate the attire really was.

Being blonde, fair skinned and blue-eyed I was typecast. That's right, every year I was stuck with black and white construction paper making my own costume. No use of color for the pilgrims. The fact that we had to make our own costumes was like rubbing salt in a wound; a sad reminder that in a few days you would be stuck with an itchy paper collar while the kid across the table would be eating their cupcake (because as we all know,cupcakes were all the rage in 1621) wearing a fashionable hat with colorful feathers.

This typecasting continued into Christmas every year with the Christmas play where undoubtedly you could find my name under the role of "Angel" in the program. Unlike the pilgrim issue this was not limited to second grade and under. I was seriously in high school with aspirations of playing the coveted role of Mary. One year my dad was the play director and I knew that was going to be my year to shine. Turns out, I shone as "Angel 2 and Inn Keeper". I didn't speak to Dad for days.

Of course I'm not bitter about any of this (I promise). I just had to share some seasonal childhood diva moments.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Our Little TSA Agent

I Promise Officer, That is Not my Pot

Do I have your attention yet? If you cannot tell by the title, this will be an interesting post.

This past week I've been on the road for work, traveling the lovely state of Arkansas. On Tuesday I went to Jonesboro, accompanied by my co-worker Chassity. Before we picked up our rental car we stopped and had lunch and were more than delighted to be in the presence of a Red Hat Society group. P.R.E.C.I.O.U.S. Of course we had to take our picture with them (we are the ones in the back, not wearing purple attire and sassy red hats.)

This picture is actually very irrelevant to the story but I find it funny how quickly the day changed.

After lunch we picked up the rental. Much to our dismay the Buick SUV was filthy and had no gas. However we did not complain too much because it was that or a mini-van. After a stop to the gas station for fuel and soapy paper towels to clean the car's interior we were on the road. As we were driving through the farm lands of northeast Arkansas and listening to Celine Dion's Christmas CD, Chassity opened the glove compartment and said, "What's this??!!" I looked to see a dried, green, leafy substance. Being the calm and level headed adult that I am I began to scream, "OH MY GOSH!! THAT'S MARIJUANA!!!" I'm sure the car was swirving all over the highway too.

Before I go any further you should know that if you are ever in a pickle, do not call me as I will only freak out, squeal (Beau refers to it as a rabbit shrill, actually) and make matters far worse. Oh, and then I'll probably blog about it three days later.

Back to the pot-mobile.

Chassity began googling marijuana images on her phone to self-diagnose the substance. This convinced us that we were, indeed, carrying an illegal drug in our vehicle. I called my boss to get his opinion on what we needed to do. I also felt the need to repeatedly tell him that our location was on a highway in between Cash and Newport, Arkansas. That was important because these small southern towns are typically full of Barney Fifes just waiting for a drug bust! I kept seeing the headlines in my head, "Girl Scout Employees Arrested for Possession of Drugs." Seriously, how many times do you watch Cops and the perpetrator says, "I swear! Those drugs aren't mine, officer!!" And where does that get them? In handcuffs and a ride to the slammer!

Another thing you should know: I am, always was and always will be a goody two shoes. I mean, I've never even smoked a cigarette so I was horrified by the whole scenario. And in my heart I just knew I was about to be pulled over, searched, arrested, tried, found guilty and sentenced to a 45 year prison term. Overreact much?

Anways, we all agreed that the best thing to do was to get through the small farming towns without dumping the potential drugs out of the moving vehicle, call the Jonesboro police and meet them in town to identify what we were carrying. By the way, dumping the stuff out of rental car was discussed at one point. That happened to be the point when I was irrational but still, it was brought up.

Once we made it to town the cop looked over and smelled the alleged weed and said, "It looks just like marijuana but doesn't smell like it so I'm going to say that it's not." I quickly came back with, "Well that's not oregano in the rental's glove compartment!!" I'm sure he wanted to slap me with the latex glove he had just removed from his hand but instead humored me and said we did the right thing to call.

Chassity's cop friend who looked at the pictures she had taken of the substance said that if it was not pot it was K2, a synthetic pot.

I'm still not totally convinced that what we were transporting was not illegal. In fact, I'm going to continue to say that we found marijuana in our rental. Just because one always needs a good conversation bit tucked away in their memory.

Happy Birthday Beau

Don't you love this picture? That nose crinkle!! Full of mayhem, that one.

I love you Beau (and Mamie does too!) I'm so blessed to have you in my life and cannot wait to spend many more birthdays with you.

Pre-Christmas: To Each His Own

In the past few days I have realized that Beau and I have opposite views on when to begin what Christmas festivity. It's not that one of us wants to start celebrating Christmas before the other but that both of us want to kick off their own celebration. However, the other individual views the celebration as premature.

I have some specific examples.

As soon as the calendar hits November I want to blast Christmas music. Beau, on the other hand, thinks Christmas music should be reserved for December 21 - December 25, with a healthy dose of classic rock thrown into the mix.

Over the weekend I bought egg nog and after I announced this to Beau he looked at me like I had died my hair purple and in an elitist tone said, "It's waaaaaay too early for egg nog!"

The man is no Scrooge, however, because he has been itching to put up lights on the house for two weeks. In order to prevent this I've had to practically hide the ladder because I believe the lights should go up the day after Thanksgiving. I have the same thoughts on the tree. He, of course, feels differently. He announced last night that we were putting the tree. I threw a squealing fit appropriate for a two year old but that did not deter him. In fact, the only thing that did was that Mamie (who has never seen a Christmas tree in her short puppy life) decided to dive into the tree's box and chew on the faux branches. Yes, she did this before the tree was even out of the box....we are in big trouble. Because we did not want "The Great Thornton Christmas Tree Massacre of 2010" to occur before Black Friday we decided to hold off and let her get acclimated to the tree in the box.

By the way, she had the same reaction when we showed off the precious stocking we bought her the other night. Apparently she views the stocking in the shape of a fire hydrant as a direct security threat to her home.

Regardless of when we decide to decorate I am thrilled to celebrate our first Christmas in our new house. Many pictures and stories to come!!

Like a 40 Pound Teenager

Last night I spanked Mamie for something I had repeatedly told her not to do. Instead of running off, tail tucked and ears down, what did she do? She barked at me! It was a hateful tone too.

She's lost all cell phone and Facebook privileges for the rest of the week.

Wicked

Last week a large group of girls and moms saw Wicked which is currently showing in Little Rock. We all went to celebrate BF Courtney's birthday. We had the best time and the show was amazing!

Here I am with other BF Irish. We all ate dinner before.

Some of the group.

I think this was intermission when we all had to use the restroom but were too afraid to face the crowds and miss the beginning of the second act.

So glad we all went. You know who is even more glad we all went? Beau, because that means he did not have to go.

Kendall's Pearl of Wisdom for the Day

Show me someone who can confidently spell “hors d’oeuvre” without the aid of Google and I’ll show you a liar.

Watch Out!

There is an evil super bug strain of a stomach virus going around so WATCH OUT! !

I came down with it last Sunday and finally decided today that it was safe to eat solids...I was that jolted. I was praying for the rapture all day Sunday. I believe I caught it from a little germ carrier, known as a child, at my nephew's birthday party on Saturday. My sister and nephew came down with it the same time as me.

I've spent my free time bleaching the house so I've not had a lot to blog about. I'm pretty sure I'm down several thousand brain cells (and layers of skin).

WASH YOUR HANDS AND O.D. ON VITAMIN C!!!