Someone in a Control Room is Thinking, "Who the Heck did they Hire?"

As a state employee, I am pretty sure my internet searches are monitored.  If not, joke's on me because I am on my best Google-behavior.  Not that I ever look at inappropriate subject matter - I just have decided that J.Crew, YouTube and Gap can wait until after 4p.m.

However, if I am being Big-Bothered, the following searches have been recorded (not that Gap is less appropriate):

Umbro

How tall was Elvis?  (By the way, 5'11)

Preventing birds from flying into windows

Maximum daily caffeine intake

Leon Phelps
 

Pet goats

Goat on a leash (I swear)

Effects of eating expired yogurt

Serial killer handwriting (This probably put me on a "Level Yellow" watch list)

Coca-Cola recipe

Dog stairs

How to bring a tomato plant back to life 

January Jones' Eyebrows


How to make low-fat oatmeal cream pies like Little Debbie (impossible)

Chupacabra
 
Where is Hayley Mills?

Lyrics to Hard Candy Christmas

By the way, I wrote this on my lunch.